Why do I do the things that are hard to do? Why do I work so hard, fight so valiantly, to overcome the insidious voice in my head? Why do I do the right thing when every cell in my body seems to scream for me to do the opposite?
To put it simply, I do it because I know the payoff is worth the struggle. I have a clear picture of what I want - what I deserve - and I will no longer allow that deceitful voice to convince me that I cannot achieve it.
I have so much to give this world, and I will be unable to do so if I continue to punish myself unnecessarily. I have a message to spread; on of hope, one of triumph, one of power. I cannot deliver that message if I am living in a place of despair, defeat, and helplessness.
I know now that the long-held belief in my innate sinfulness is incorrect, untrue. I know now that the idea of being inherently bad is a false one that was put in my head by external sources, and I can choose to believe otherwise. Trusting in my own free agency allows me to have the courage to act positively, protectively, and hopefully.
So why now? Why not? I have spent enough time repeating the abhorrent abuse inflicted upon me in years past. I have proven to myself that there is nothing to be gained from self-desecration. There will never be a cut deep enough, never be a number low enough, to undo what has already been done. There can be, however, a voice loud enough to transcend the pain. That voice is mine, and the time is now.
