I want to be perfect and I'm furious with myself when I'm not. I want to be the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect daughter and sister and teacher and friend and woman and American and Methodist and blonde. I want to achieve that seemingly impossible feat of flawlessness.
Funny, right? Because "perfect" isn't a thing. (There's this old book, appropriately titled Everybody Poops. It accurately - if slightly awkwardly - points out that everyone and everything alive does The Dirty. It's a great equalizer.) How many royal scandals have there been, going back centuries? How many celebrities have fallen from grace? How many of our own role models have mistakes and regrets in their stories? Countless. Because "perfect" isn't a thing.
And yet.
I hold myself to a higher standard. I should've learned, I should've tried harder, I should've known better, I should've been kinder, I should've been more, or less, than I was. I work myself to the bone to prove (to whom? Myself? The world? God?) that I'm worthy of acceptance, of validation, of love. I have to earn it, you see.
Here's the thing, though. However hard I try to deny it... however strongly I push against it... I'm human. Sometimes even my best isn't good enough. Sometimes I fail. Sometimes I fall. Sometimes my good intentions go horribly wrong. Sometimes I hurt people, even though it's the very last thing I ever mean to do. Sometimes my actions are disappointing. Sometimes I lash out. Sometimes I come up short. Because I'm human, and that's what humans do. We're not perfect creatures. We weren't designed that way.
When I think about our species, I imagine God cleverly folding together tiny paper dolls, saying, "I love you guys so much. I think I'll let you do your thing, and I'll watch over you while you do it. You'll mess up. You'll bang up against each other and trip over yourselves and tear your edges. But you'll learn, and you'll lean on each other, and every once in awhile you'll glance up to me and trust I'm right there."
We're not supposed to be perfect. We can't be. Expecting perfection is about as fulfilling as expecting to sprout a mermaid tail. (Another goal of mine.) What we are supposed to do is lean on each other, love each other, and honor each other's weaknesses. Because none of us is perfect, but together we are unstoppable.
