On Suicide

I haven't posted in ages, because as you realize when you get older, the internet is a luxury and not a right. We all lived through 2020 (except all those who didn't, and we honor them now and forever). It was collectively, globally awful. We are traumatized and afraid and vulnerable and cautiously, so cautiously, hopeful for the future. My 2020 was wretched in many ways and redeeming in a few. When my family and I toasted our sparking cider to 2021 we acknowledged the deep losses and pledged optimism for the time to come. We all know times of high stress are especially trying on people who are already fragile. With that in mind I would like to share some thoughts on suicide. I am not a mental health professional (that AP Psychology class 100 years ago notwithstanding) but I have gobs of lived experience to draw upon and I know - at a cellular level - how pressing this issue is. Who experiences suicidality and why? Anyone can for myriad reasons. Suicidality is the result of "psychache" - a combination of anguish, hopelessness, helplessness, and the perception of being burdonsome to the people you love. It can come about from loss of relationships, loss of career or financial prospects, issues with sexual orientation or gender identity, chronic illness, perceived failure in life, chronic pain, or profound loneliness. Suicide no longer seems like a selfish act, it becomes a perceived selfless one to rid loved ones of the anguish of caring for a "lost cause." Death feels like a merciful act for self and for others. I have lived with anorexia for 24+ years and I continue to struggle daily. Do I have thoughts of how much better my family and friends' lives would be without the constant concern for me? Absolutely. I understand the allure of suicide. I live it. Here's my point in all this. Those people in your life whose problems just don't seem to go away? THEY NEED YOU. Not to fix them, because that's neither possible nor the point, but to stand beside them and say, "I know you're hurting. I love you. I want you around." Some of the biggest deterrents to suicide are a sense of connection and a sense of responsibility. When we know you love us and you need us, we want to stick around. It also bears noting that one of the primary risks of suicide is access to means. If a loved one is desperate and in pain, it's not the time to have firearms or narcotics lying around. Take that shit away. Is the risk of an intruder greater than the risk of your sister taking her life? Put the fucking guns away. Dump or lock up the meds. The risk just isn't worth it. We folks who are hurting don't need pity or shame or patriarchy. We need compassion and respect and love. Our brain chemistry and trauma and life experience has left us vulnerable to a sense of hopelessness so deep we'd turn on our own self-preservation. We need you. National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255 Teen Crisis Text Line TEXT "HOME" to 741741 National Eating Disorders Helpline 1-800-931-2237