Since my kids were babies, the one message I have tried to hammer home to them more than any other has been, "Be who you are." My oldest is an introvert with a knack for engineering skills that confuse the hell out of me. My youngest is a sweet spirit who loves all living things and cries when people litter. My middlest is one of the coolest people I know; he likes painting his fingernails pink and purple and he'll punch the teeth out of anyone who gives him a hard time for it. My children are individuals, and I couldn't be more proud of them.
Why is it, then, that I've spent so much time and energy suffocating my own uniqueness? Why have I exerted so much effort to appear magazine-worthy (Fitness, Good Housekeeping, Vogue, Real Simple, whatever) when the bits and pieces that make up ME are far more compelling? Why haven't I practiced what I've preached?
Being a good woman is hard. Being a good Christian woman is harder. Being a good Christian wife and mother is damn near impossible. I'm not conservative, I'm not traditional, I don't adhere to gender stereotypes or believe in conformity or support cookie-cutter lifestyles. I like punk rock and I have tattoos and I swear a lot and I read Nietzsche and I drink good beer from time to time. I am a registered Democrat and I've voted for Republicans and I think all politicians are corrupt no matter what color ties they wear. I've taken my kids to pro-gay marriage rallies and I take them to church every Sunday. I have equality t-shirts and t-shirts with scriptures on them. I watch independent foreign-language films and know every song in every Disney movie made in the last 40 years.
I am unique. You know what's not unique? Having an eating disorder. 30 million people in the U.S. have one. This thing that I once thought would set me apart from everyong else has made me a dull statistic. This thing that I thought would help me become "special," since I believed myself so painfully plain, has actually squashed the very parts of me that give me value and allow me to contribute to the the universe.
So maybe I'm not your typical woman. Maybe I'm not your average married Christian mom. What I am - what I always have been, though unbeknownst to me - is a powerful force of individuality. I am ME, and I am proud of that. I stand by my passions and my values run to the very core of my being, no matter what anyone else might think of them.
I want my children to grow up confident that whoever and whatever they may be is not only acceptable but vital to the world. In order to instill that in them, I must live it myself. I hope you do the same. You are your own person, certainly different from me and from everyone else; maybe you even vehemently disagree with some of the things I've shared on this blog. That's okay, that's your right, and I'm grateful for your perspective. I hope you find strength in the fact that you - the REAL you - are important, in your own microcosm of the world, and in the world at large. Hoist your freak flags, my friends, and salute them as they wave.
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