Sometimes recovery is very lonely. The people around you have deemed you "recovered," and no longer look upon you as a person with needs. The thing is, we're all needy sometimes. Every once in awhile it would be great to say to someone close to you, "I'm feeling down. I need to talk." But it's out of the question; once "well," you forsake the right to admit vulnerability. Any indication of negative emotion leads people to believe you've slid back, relapsed.
I haven't relapsed. I'm as healthy as ever, and my life truly is great. But sometimes I feel alone. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a weird sort of limbo... better, but not quite 100%. Unable to express my loneliness for fear that some red flag will be raised. I do not want to attract any scrutiny. I do not want to be eyeballed at every meal. I simply want a chance to act like a human being once in awhile. Fragile, imperfect, fallible.
I am a human being, after all.
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