Lies?

"Sure, you talk the talk when you need to; I fear the whole world is starting to believe you." -Tori Amos, "Taxi Ride"

At what point are you considered a fraud? I ask because everyone I know seems to think I'm 100% recovered. They believe that my eating disorder was "just a phase," and I'm past it now. My friends and family seem to believe that once the hallmark behaviors have subsided, the disease has disappeared.

Here's the thing. Even though I'm not actively sick, I still have disordered obsessions and compulsions. Maybe I quit therapy too soon. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough. Maybe there's a heap of issues I chose not to deal with. Whatever the reason, anorexia and bulimia still exist in my mind.

I eat when I'm hungry, stop when I'm satisfied, indulge in the occasional treat. But I also count calories, drink diet soda, and obsess about the way my clothes fit. Is an eating disorder a life sentence? Am I being deceitful by letting people think I'm entirely absolved? Is this simply the reality of recovery?