A look at what happens when you've climbed back out of the rabbit hole.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

A Letter to My Old Friend

To My Dear Old Friend:

I think this is finally good-bye. You have been my constant companion for half my life, and leaving you behind is anything but easy. I lost another best friend once; he turned on me just as you have. It aches in my bones now as it did then.

Remember when we first teamed up, you and I? You were the answer to a thousand lonely, desperate prayers. You were my escape from a hellish misery with which I was unequipped to deal. I convinced my child-self that you were my only path to redemption.

Oh, how you came through for awhile. At first, people validated my hard work. Then, later on when you had dissolved my body like acid, they sat up and took notice of my suffering. No one had ever done that before. My body was crying out in the pain my voice had kept silent for so many years.

As in any good tragedy, the relationship began to sour. You grabbed the reins, and took the control you promised would be mine. I became your battered spouse: in danger if I stayed, but too terrified to leave, still convinced things could go back to the way they were at the beginning.

I know better now. I see you for the parasite you really are, and I will be your host no longer. My voice, which got so hopelessly lost, is finally finding its way back. I can make it without you. I will miss you, and I am grateful that I had you at a time when I had nothing else to see me through. But I am stronger now, and getting better every day. My power no longer comes from you; it comes from within me.

Good bye,
Cassie

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