Misconceptions and Delusions

I was online this morning looking for E.D. statistics for something I'm writing. My search of "incidence of anorexia and bulimia nervosa in pre-teens" yielded some shocking results. In addition to the factual information I was looking for, I was led to some "Pro-Ana/Pro-Mia" websites. They are stomping grounds for aspiring anorexics and bulimics encouraging each other on their paths to destruction. I remember looking at sites like that when I was in my teens, cruising for tips and tricks. However, with the public backlash against these sites several years ago, I assumed they had all but disappeared. Boy was I wrong.

I read with horror posts by girls (some as young as 11) about their desire to be sick. The "glory," the "success," the "uniqueness" that could be achieved - in their distorted minds - only by being painfully, dangerously thin. It made me very sad, and then it made me very angry.

This glorification of eating disorders is simply preposterous. Let me tell you what my disease drove me to do. I threw up in gas station bathrooms, in alleys, in bushes, on the sidewalk next to my house, in the school cafeteria, on dates, in fancy restaurants, and in one very, very regrettable situation, at church while everyone else was taking communion.

I once licked a piece of rotten mean hoping it would give me food poisoning. I researched tapeworms on the internet to see how to go about contracting them. I ate boxes of chocolate laxatives at a time, and spent the next several days writhing in pain on the toilet. I took Ipecac by the vial, getting so sick I would vomit on myself because I simply couldn't muster the strength to get to the bathroom.

I worked out constantly, agonizingly, pushing through cramps and sprains and lightheadedness, to the point of being told by gym staff that I was upsetting the other patrons.

I ended up in the hospital over and over and over. Dehydration, electrolyte imbalance, arrhythmia. I yanked IV's out of my arms because I was so terrified the saline would somehow make me fat.

I spent years of my life that way. Did I achieve any kind of glory? Quite the opposite. Instead, I was a miserable, deathly-ill shell of a person. I put the people around me, the people who love me, through absolute hell. And I never got where I wanted to be... because that's the truth: No matter how thin you get, no matter how much weight you lose, no matter how hard you work, it will NEVER be enough. You will try and try and then you will die, and that's a fact.

If you know a young person who makes statements about her/his body that are disparaging, please don't take it lightly. Every journey begins with the first step, and every eating disorder begins with the first skipped meal. These diseases are deadly. Please join me in doing all you can to protect our children!