I have a lot going on in my head right now. What I'm about to say may be irrational. In fact, it probably IS irrational. But it's where I am right now, and I will not invalidate it with "shoulds" or "shouldn'ts."
In the last two weeks, I have had the same sentiment repeated to me by different people in different ways. Their opinions are as follows: "Look at the great life you have right now. You never would have gotten it if you hadn't been through what you have. You should be grateful." "Someday you will look back on your past and be thankful that those things happened, because they helped shape who you are now." "What happened happened, you can only go forward from here."
I understand the motivation behind these statements. I get that people are trying to be encouraging, inspirational, that kind of thing. But you know what? IT PISSES ME OFF. When you've been molested repeatedly, when you've been held down and raped, then you can tell me how I should or shouldn't feel. When you've had your innocence ripped from you, you can tell me I should be grateful. Until then, I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING HEAR IT.
The fact is, I'm NOT grateful. The fact is, I am desperately hurt and wildly confused and frighteningly angry. I love my husband, I love my children, I love my happy little life in the suburbs. I wouldn't change it for anything. But that sure as hell doesn't mean I'm okay with everything that came before it.
If you're a well-meaning friend or family member, let me give you a piece of advice: Instead of telling your loved one how they should feel, or, worse yet, imply they lack gratitude, try this. Simply say, "I'm sorry you had to go through that. I love you, I'm here to listen if you need to talk, and whatever you're feeling right now is okay."
No comments:
Post a Comment