The Definition of Insanity

As Albert Einstein famously quoted, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." I'm struck by how much this applies to the recovery-relapse-recovery cycle.

Recovery is tough. It's a fight. Frankly, it's easier to be sick. Miserable, self-defeating, and dangerous, but easier. The longer a person is ill before entering recovery, the higher the likelihood of eventual relapse. This is a maddening statistic for those of us set on a future of happiness.

My eating disorder has gone through varying degrees of intensity. I have gone from "functioning anorexic" to "near-dead bulimic" to "symptom-free picture of health." It's a roller coaster. The hardest thing to grapple with is that the eating disorder is ALWAYS our default response to stress. We have learned to cope differently, more constructively, in healthful ways... but the stress will always remain. It's part of the human condition.

The biggest challenge to a recovering anorexic/bulimic person is resisting the temptation to revert to old behaviors in times of stress. There's this pervasive thought: "Just this once. It'll make me feel better. I need it." I imagine it's the same thought a recovering alcoholic or drug addict considers. It's that proverbial devil on your shoulder, whispering promises. It can be incredibly hard to stand firm. The most effective method I have found is to talk right back to that voice. Out loud, if necessary. "No, this will NOT make me feel better. In fact, this will make things a million times worse than they already are. It only takes one slip to fall down flat." It seems a little silly, but it works.

Let's remind ourselves not to do the same things over and over and expect different results. Let's try something new, as difficult as it may be. The payoff is happiness.