"I want to be superwoman, and the fact that I'm not makes me hate myself and constantly wonder why I'm such a waste." -Marya Hornbacher, from "Madness"
How many of us have felt that way? Many people are overachievers. Many people routinely take on more than they can handle. But there are some of us whose pattern of taking on the world then being crushed under its weight is pathological. It's what we DO. It's who we ARE.
This is one of the things with which I still struggle daily. I have an innate need to prove to myself how smart! talented! wonderful! irreplaceable! PERFECT! I am. The fact that nobody is perfect is not lost on me. But somehow I can't shake the feeling that it's my respobsibility to break the mold. Like, if I can't be perfect, then why bother at all?
It's important for me to share this for two reasons. First, because I want to show that I am not infallible. My recovery is not without flaws, weak points. Second, I need to remind myself that perfection is not a reasonable goal. I can only try to be the best person, the best wife and mother and daughter and sister and friend and human being, that I can be. And I have to trust that that's enough.
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