Devastation

About four years ago I watched the HBO documentary "Thin." It followed four women as they struggled with their eating disorders at Renfrew, a very well-known treatment center in Florida. The film is extremely well done, capturing the reality of life with ED's as few other movies have. A warning: the movie can be extremely triggering. I strongly discourage anyone who may be shaky in her recovery to avoid watching. There is a lot of ED imagery, and the raw emotion shown by the women is very disturbing. That being said, for anyone interested in seeing what the beginning of the recovery process is really like, I recommend "Thin."

One of the things that bonded me to the film so much was the recognition of myself in the women featured. Their fear, their anxiety, their sense of chaos/control, their manipulation of others, their reluctance to let go. The population at large has a tendency to think anorexia and bulimia are either "phases" girls go through, or that they're just manifestations of neurosis, or - worst of all - they're simply attention-getting ploys. Make no mistake; eating disorders are DISEASES, as real as any cancer, and potentially as devastating. Those of us who have been trapped in that hell know how isolating, how frustrating, how anguishing it is. Wanting desperately to be understood, to be helped, but at the same time being terrified of letting people in, relinquishing control.

I found out today that Polly, one of the women whose lives were shown in "Thin," died from an intentional drug overdose a couple years after the movie was released. Here are a couple statistics for you: Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness. A study by the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders reported that 5 – 10% of anorexics die within 10 years after contracting the disease; 18-20% of anorexics will be dead after 20 years and only 30 – 40% ever fully recover. The mortality rate associated with anorexia nervosa is 12 times higher than the death rate of ALL causes of death for females 15 – 24 years old. 20% of people suffering from anorexia will prematurely die from complications related to their eating disorder, including suicide and heart problems. About 80% of the girls/women who have accessed care for their eating disorders do not get the intensity of treatment they need to stay in recovery – they are often sent home weeks earlier than the recommended stay. Horrible, isn't it?

I personally know three women who have died from anorexia/bulimia. Jenn, an anorexic woman whom I met in my first stint in treatment. She was in her early 30's, beautiful, tall, with gorgeous blonde curly hair. Her husband was a doll. She was released from treatment in May of 2002. She organized a "homecoming party," to be held at her house, for all of us who had been in treatment together. She died of a heart attack the day before the party.

Bonnie, another woman I met in my first treatment center. She was in her 40's, bulimic and an ipecac-abuser. She was a licensed social worker, one of the kindest women I've ever met. As a child she had suffered horrible, unspeakable abuse at the hands of her parents. During the time I knew her, she was still living with her mother, caring for the woman who had tormented her for her entire life. Bonnie died of a heart attack at age 44, the year after I had met her.

Val, a former principal dancer for the New York City Ballet. I met her during my third in-patient treatment. She was in her early 40's, but looked like she was in her 60's. She spoke of the culture of anorexia that was present in the professional ballet. She said she hadn't eaten normally since she was a child. She had to retire from dancing prematurely because she was diagnosed with osteoporosis at 28 years old. Val died of heart failure shortly after I was released from treatment, in February of 2003.

I HATE THIS DISEASE. It is a life-stealer. It robs people of their emotional lives, their relationships, their spirituality, and too often their physical lives. The relapse rate is appallingly high. The recovery rate is dismally low. The access to treatment is shameful. Our society is much to passive in its reaction. SOMETHING MUST BE DONE! But what?